Worst Christmas Song Ever

I do believe that I have stumbled upon the worst Christmas song ever. And I'm sure you have your guesses, but I feel fairly confident in saying that none of your choices will include this one. And believe me, it was hard to choose between this one and any of Bob Dylan's Christmas songs which seem to include an ample amount of lung butter being regurgitated when he sings them. (Who thought a Bob Dylan Christmas album was a good idea? It is an awful piece of....music. It scares small children and some adults, like me.) But I'm comfortable with my choice for a couple of reasons.

Reason One: It's by John Denver. Who would have thought that the guy who played Gilligan would also record a Christmas song? (What's that? That was Bob Denver? Huh. Sooo...John Denver was...the guy who thought he was such a big shot that he didn't need to make sure he had enough gas in his plane? Is that him? OK, now I'm with you!)

Reason One (now that I know who I'm talking about): It's by John Denver. Who would have thought that the late bespectacled American crooner would be capable of putting out a terrible Christmas song. He tends to have a rather soothing voice. Though more than a couple songs in a row and I kind of want to claw my ears off.

Reason Two: The lyrics are absolutely depressing. They're not melancholy or wistful holiday prose that makes you think back to the Christmases of yore with fond memories of those Norman Rockwell-esque times. No, they remind you that your dad is a drunk and he gets drunk on holidays and last Christmas, he fell down under the Christmas tree and made your mom cry! HOW is that even considered a Christmas song and not some sort of Yuletide suicide anthem?!

The song is entitled "Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)" and it's just like what it sounds like. It's supposed to be a little almost-eight-year old boy who is pleading with his father to not get drunk like he did last year when he fell under the Christmas tree and the little boy had to see his mom cry at the sight of her lush of a husband rolling on the floor on the day of the celebration of the birth of Christ!

I've included the song below and the lyrics below that. Please don't blow your head off after listening to it. It's not a very Christmas-y thing to do.

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

Just last year when I was only seven

And now I’m almost eight as you can see

You came home at a quarter past eleven

Fell down underneath our Christmas tree

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

Momma smiled and looked outside the window

She told me son, you better go upstairs

Then you laughed and hollered Merry Christmas

I turned around and saw my Momma’s tears

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

No, I don’t wanna see my Momma cry