Scared Smokeless

I've had kind of a long day and I'm really kind of tired right now, so I'm going to make this one a little short. I just learned that over in Australia, they have made new regulations for what cigarette packages can look like. They're trying to deter young people from starting to smoke. They're method of doing this seems to be to try and scare the holy crap out of kids by making the packages downright scary.

The Federal Government down there in Australia has made it so that companies can no longer display their logo on the packages. The color of the background has to be an ugly olive green color, as someone's research has determined that ugly olive green is the least attractive color to smokers. (I don't know that research was all that necessary, as I think most people are turned off by ugly olive green. Hence the term "ugly".) The name of the brand has to be in a specific font. (They don't mention what the font is, though. From the looks of it, it could be a variation of Arial or the beloved Helvetica. But I only mention that because I'm a nerd and I don't get to throw out my font knowledge...um...ever.) There also have to be huge warnings on the sides and on the front. Also included on the front, a scary ass picture of something horrible that will happen to you if you smoke. The folks over there at news.com.au were kind enough to provide a picture of what the new scary ass cigarette packages will look like. Behold!

Holy S! My God! Why is his eye held open like that?! Shouldn't there be a picture of a seeing eye dog or something else?! Why not a German Shepard?! Oh, right. Because they're trying to scare the holy bejeezus out of folks. Hey, it worked with me. I can't believe that with images like that, they were seriously concerned about whatever font they were going to use. I can tell you right now, I have no idea what any of the wording on the package says. And I am not going to know what it says ever because I will never look at that package again. I will not be smoking in Australia or anywhere else. Granted, I wasn't planning on smoking anywhere to begin with, but that image did deter me from ever thinking about it. Holy crap. I hope I can sleep tonight.

How Old IS Al Davis?

I enjoy sports. So I pay attention when changes go on in sports. I especially pay attention to any time the owner of the Oakland Raiders makes an appearance in public. Al Davis is at least 130 years old and he's not wearing it well. The other day, he gave a press conference to introduce his new head coach and to try to explain some of why he fired the previous coach. All of that has nothing to do with what I found to be the more interesting (and frightening) aspect of said press conference. And that would be Al Davis' general appearance these days. Brace yourselves. It's not pretty. (Al's the one sitting down.) Behold!

Oh, good Lord! What the hell is that?! That is Al Davis. I think. It could be Nosferatu. Let's see if we can spot a difference between the two.

Hmm. Yeah, they might be the same person. Wow. What the what? Should he be out during the daytime? What's the deal with his head? Why isn't he having someone else do the speaking for him? He's scaring the children. Maybe they just photographed his bad side. Maybe he has a...a...good...side? Maybe? (I know! I know! I'm stretching it! Geez! YOU try and think of something to say in this situation. It ain't easy!) Where was I? Oh, that's right. Behold!

Oh, for cryin' out loud! It got worse! How could it have gotten worse?! Is there anything worse than that? (You know that I already know the answer to that, don't you?) Brace yourselves again. It's about to get real. Real scary.

My eyes! MY EYES! Kill it! Kill it with fire! NOW!! And if you're not going to kill it with fire then someone needs to make sure that his one eyeball doesn't pop itself loose because that's exactly what it looks like is about to happen. Would it hurt you to smile once in a while there, Al?

Holy crap. Wow. Yeah, it looks like it might. Never mind. Just go away and it will be like we never brought it up, OK? Good. Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go bleach my eyeballs.

I Think I Understand, Mel

Oh, Mel. Mel, Mel, Mel. What have you done now? What hasn't he done? Well, what hasn't he said is probably a better question. Mel Gibson is kind of on the outs with his Russian hottie that he left his wife of almost 30 years for. Yeah, "on the outs" is kind of an understatement. He has completely lost his mind. And look, I'm going to get into this in more detail in a couple of days, but I'm going to say this right now. I've listened to the tapes that his Russian hottie made of him screaming at her on the phone. Yes, he sounds like a crazed lunatic. Yes, in one of them, he sounds like he's on a Stairmaster because he's breathing so hard. Yes, I found it hilarious that he wants someone to make his bed. All of those statements are true. But I'm just going to say this right now: I think I understand. I'm not saying he's right. I'm certainly not saying that it is justified. I'm absolutely not saying that he had the right to say anything that he said to her in the manner that he said it. But if she's the gold digger that I think that she is (and that Mel, somehow, was oblivious to), I understand why he's pissed.

The audio of his rants are below. They're courtesy of the nosy folks over there at Radar Online. Someone has to do this, I guess.

Mel Screaming Part One
Mel Screaming Part Deux
Mel Screaming Part Three
Mel Screaming Part Four
Mel Screaming Part Five