Not Intended To Be Factual

Here's a new one. Man, I always hate it when I say that. Only because it means that something more ridiculous than previously thought has occurred. It's almost never really good. And I'd guess that probably only about half of the time it's amusing. And this instance follows those guidelines. Not really good and kind of amusing. But only amusing in the way that is so ridiculous that you don't know what else to think.

Let's take a look at some of the profound statements of a one Senator Jon Kyl (R-eally? Arizona.) Senator Kyl is the Senate Minority Whip. I don't know what that is and I don't think that I care. If I had to make an assumption, I'd probably guess it has something to do with Miracle Whip, but I don't know what. Regardless, Senator Kyl had the floor on Friday during the whole budget showdown/will the government shut down debacle of 2011. He said that abortion was “well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.” And for the record, really only about three percent of Planned Parenthood's work has to do with abortion. There's a big difference between almost all and almost none. But that's OK. It wasn't supposed to be factual. Wait. What?

Correct. It wasn't meant to be factual. What was it meant to be? According to the thinking folks over at Think Progress, "...CNN anchor TJ Holmes relayed a statement from Kyl’s office walking back the comment". How do you walk something like that back? It's so far out of the gate, isn't it going to be impossible to walk back? Not if you're a moron, apparently, Kyl's office explained that "his remark was not intended to be a factual statement, but rather to illustrate that Planned Parenthood, a organization that receives millions of dollars in taxpayer funding, does subsidize abortions." But....but...he said....what...whatis going on here?!

His remark was not intended to be a factual statement? Why in the hell not?! Isn't that what you're supposed to be doing when you're making an argument for your side? Give your basis in facts?! No? When did that change? Oh, that's right. IT DIDN'T. You can't just say something that is totally false and then pull a Pee Wee Herman on everyone and say, "I meant to do that!" That's not how this works!

I certainly hope that this doesn't become some sort of trend. I hope that all of these clueless politicians don't just start blowing alleged facts out of their arse and then blow over it when they're confronted on their falsehoods by saying that it wasn't supposed to be the truth and that it was supposed to illustrate a point. Oh, believe me. Senator Kyl made a point all right. He made the point that he's clearly not fit for the office that he holds. He made the point that he'll say whatever he needs to in order to sway people whichever way he wants to. He made the point that he isn't about the truth, he's just about what he wants. I can't get behind that. We're just doomed. Doomed, I tell you.

Stay Classy, Mississippi

Something called Public Policy Polling did a poll the other day (shocking, I know) of the fine folks of Mississippi. According to their data, they polled "...400 usual Mississippi Republican primary voters from March 24th to 27th". I don't know what a "usual" Mississippi voter would be. Nor do I know how they differ from the "unusual" Mississippi voters. Judging from one of the results, however, I am now afraid of the "usual" Mississippi voter and I'm not really thinking that they should be voting at all.

They asked a bunch of questions about how the usual Mississippi Republican primary voters felt about a variety of potential candidates for a variety of potential politician positions. Things like Senator, President, Governor. You know. The usual choices for people that will end up doing a sub-par job at whatever they're elected to do. But then they decided to ask them a question that doesn't seem to have anything to do with politics at all. They asked if the respondents "...believe interracial marriage should be illegal". I didn't even know that something like that needed to be a question anymore. But apparently, when you're in Mississippi, it most certainly does, as 46% of respondents believe that it should be illegal. What. The. Hell.

Forty-six percent. Really, Mississippi? Almost half of you guys think that interracial marriage should be illegal? Are you dry shaving me?! And don't think that means that more than half of those polled think that it should be legal, as only forty percent answered that it should be. What is wrong with the other fourteen percent of you? You don't know? You can't figure that one out? You don't have an opinion? How can you not have an opinion on something so insane?! Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh, but wait a minute! I just noticed that the margin of error on this poll is +/- 4.9%. That means that it could be as high as over half of Mississippi thinks that interracial marriage should be illegal. Wow. Did I say wow? Yeah, wow.

I don't really know what to say about this. I'm a little stunned. I mean, sure, there are always jokes about Mississippi and how fat and backwards they are, but I hoped that they were just jokes. Clearly, they are not. Clearly, stereotypes are based on at least a sliver of reality. And in this case, they're based on at least 46% of reality. Stay classy, Mississippi. And stay there. Please. Stay there.

Now That's A Traffic Jam

You think your commute is bad? Have you heard about the traffic jam in China? Holy canoli, it's unreal.

Get this: There has been a traffic jam for the past ten days! DAYS! Not hours! DAYS! What the what? How is that possible?! According to The Wall Street Journal, it's pretty basic. Too many cars and not enough roads. Really? Yeah, we had no idea that was going to be the answer. Seriously, Wall Street Journal? That's all you've got?

That's all they've got. Apparently, it's a combination of roadwork and a bunch of heads up a bunch of arses. When you're selling at least 13 million vehicles per year and you only have the roadways to keep up with about a thousand vehicles per year, eventually, you're going to find yourself in this sort of a pickle.

The cars are moving somewhere around the rate of about a third of a mile per day. Umm, no. You can't tell me that people aren't just abandoning their cars and saying, "Screw this! I'm walking!" It would be tough not to. At that rate, you could be in your car and stuck in this crap a mile from your home and it would take you three days to get there?! Are you kidding me? Are we sure this is real?

It apparently is. And if you're wondering, as was I, how one makes it through a ten day (and counting) traffic jam, the kind folks over there at The Wall Street Journal have provided pictures for us to get some sort of an idea of what a hellhole that must be right now. It also allows us to be pretty freaking thankful that we're not there. Behold! A ten day traffic jam!

Oh, well. That seems to explain it. They appear to start off with no lanes at all and then expect folks to move in an orderly fashion into only three lanes. Yeah, that should work about as well as...well, as it's working. And they also seem to keep the cars and trucks separated until a specific point, at which time things don't seem to go as smoothly as one would wish. Behold!

That seems highly ineffective. That and the fact that they've been stuck in traffic for ten days! Yeah, that was my other clue. I suppose you might be wondering how these unfortunate drivers take care of various daily activities when they're stuck in their car on a Beijing road. (Don't get too excited. They explain everything except for the one that you know everyone wonders about first.) As far as eating, "Villagers along Highway 110 took advantage of the jam, selling drivers packets of instant noodles from roadside stands and, when traffic was at a standstill, moving between trucks and cars to hawk their wares." Behold!

Hmm. I suppose the sanitary conditions in which those noodles were prepared isn't exactly foremost on the minds of those folks, eh? But man, those "vendors" get into position quickly. And if this picture is any indication, they're not going to be caught empty handed. Look at this, will you? Behold!

They're certainly an entrepreneurial people, aren't they? Now, just because the drivers are willing to eat food that was prepared under questionable conditions at best, that doesn't mean that they're just going to sit around in their own filth! They're going to have to "bathe" somehow. Behold!

Oh. Well. That's...off-putting. Or...something. I'm just glad he kept his spandex undies on...or whatever those are. Once the bathing is finished, then the fun can really begin! And nothing says passing the time in a ten day traffic jam like eating some watermelon wedges and playing cards on top of a newspaper. Behold!

They don't seem to be too concerned with eating their melons. Why is that? Shouldn't they be more concerned about some sort of nutrition than they are about playing Go Fish? Well, regardless, they're going to get awfully tired after a few days of doing nothing in their cars. Don't expect them to sleep in there, either. Why do that when there's a perfectly good roadway to lie down on and a perfectly good truck to curl up under? Behold!

That guy can get as comfortable as he wants, as rumor has it that the traffic might not clear out until the middle of freaking September! Stay tuned!