Heil Hanes!

Usually I take a little bit of time to work up to the point that I'm trying to make. Today, I'm just going to jump right into it, mainly because I have more questions that I have answers. So what better way to start it off than with a question. Ready? Why in the world is Michael Jordan rockin' a Hitler moustache in his new Hanes commercial? Wait. What now?

Correct. Michael Jordan has a new Hanes commercial out. The product alone is perplexing enough to me. It's apparently for some sort of T-shirt that fits snugly against your body when you're wearing in underneath some other article of clothing (like some sort of sweater vest or something, because we all know how popular that look is). According to the commercial, when you just wear a regular T-shirt underneath your sporty sweater vest, you tend to end up with something that they call "bacon neck". In other words, the collar of the T-shirt is wrinkly and looks like a piece of bacon. Um, OK. I guess.

Having spent a lot of time in states that actually have snow in the winter, I am familiar with the layering of clothing concept. But I would just buy a shirt that's a size too small and use that for the underneath layer. I don't recall it having a bacon neck. Then again, I wasn't wearing it with a sweater vest. Whatever. My point here is that I don't understand the product to begin with. Does it have some sort of fake pecs sewn in it? (You know. For those of you who want to look like you work out without actually working out. Or for those of you who want to harkin back to your days of wearing Underoos and pretending like you're He-Man.) They didn't mention any, so I'm guessing not.

But that wasn't the only thing that they didn't address. They didn't address the fact that Michael Jordan, the basketball god of recent yore, is sporting a Hitler moustache. What in the world is up with THAT? Now, I realize that one could argue that "it's not a Hitler moustache, it's a tribute to Charlie Chaplin". One could argue that. One would be very unsuccessful at convincing anyone that it was in homage to the Little Tramp. Admit it. You see that little moustache, you think Hitler. Behold!

Now, does this mean that I think that Michael Jordan admires Hitler? Um, no. No, I don't. (I mean, I hope he doesn't, but I also really don't think that he does.) Does this mean that I think it's really freaking weird that he has a Hitler moustache in a Hanes commercial? You're darn straight I do. What the hell is up with that?! Didn't the Hanes people think it a bit odd that Air Jordan was sporting Hair Hitler? What do they want us to think? "Hey, what a great idea for a new T-shirt! Sieg heil!" That's not exactly what came to my mind! No, it was more like "Why is a black Hitler pitching me underwear?"

As is my practice with all of these things, the video is below. It's Hitler, isn't it? How weird is that? If the video below doesn't play, check it out here.