Who Wore What To The Grammys

Grammy time! Obligatory post about fashion time! Comments from people who take this sort of thing way too seriously calling me an idiot time! Let's begin!

First things first. For quite a while now, Aretha Franklin has looked like she has eaten most of the folks who were up for Grammys. To say that she has been large is an understatement. But thanks to some undisclosed surgery for some undisclosed ailment (which had previously been disclosed as pancreatic cancer, but was then retracted and changed to undisclosed) she has lost a considerable amount of disclosed weight. While she didn't attend the actual Grammy ceremonies, she did appear on video looking much, much better. Behold!

See what an improvement that is from her Big Bird impersonation from a few years back?

See? Much better. And I hope that she keeps on getting better. No one should go through life being compared to a giant, flightless, avian Muppet. No one. Moving on, John Mayer made a douche-tastic appearance. He kind of looks like he's trying to be one of the Three Musketeers. I don't know which one. Maybe Balthasar. No, wait. He was a Wise Man. Never mind. Maybe he just wants to be Johnny Depp. Either way, it's not working. He's a tool.

Funny how he looks like a d-bag when donning the white jacket look, but when Justin Bieber tries it on, he (or she) looks like a waiter or a bartender. Check, please! (Justin needs to take a good, long look at Seth Rogen, as in about 15 years, that's going to be him.)

Nice sparkly silver pants there, Ricky. What's that? You say you're gay? Really? I never would have guessed.

A one Ciana decided to kick it superhero style with her outfit. All she needs now are some magic bracelets and an invisible plane and she can waltz right into the Hall of Justice, no questions asked.

Am I the only one who thought that Katy Perry's dress looked like a long condom with angel wings in the back? No, I don't know why a condom would have angel wings. That's just one more reason why it confused the heck out of me.

And I can absolutely overlook the fact that Kelly Osbourne looked like she was wearing a ruffly bath mat because she looked just stunning in it. Good for her. I guess that little dancing contest that she participated in a little while ago really did wonders for her body. She looks fabulous.

Then there was a one Rihanna who showed up wearing some sort of furry venetian blind number. I still don't quite get it. Where's the little wand that hangs off the side to flip them up and down?

I'm not fond of children acting like adults. I think that's why I really detest this photo of Willow Smith. What's with those shoes? Is she holding a crown? I'm done here.

And finally, we have Lady Gaga. She arrived in an egg, of course. Wait. What now? An egg? Yes. An egg. An egg-egg? Sort of. I mean, it was an egg. See for yourself. Behold!

See? It's an egg...of...some sort. Is she really in there, you ask? Someone is in there. Er, something. I don't really know for sure. Whatever. Behold!

Hmm. Yep. She's in there all right. OK, then. I mean, I guess it could be worse. She could be in another meat suit. Maybe one made of all chicken this time. Ew! Gross. Yeah, the egg is much better than the meat. If she wasn't so talented, I'd be more critical of her. But she really has an amazing set of pipes on her, so I'm just going to leave it all at the egg!